Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Whats in it for me??

My question for today is this..

Do we ever do anything out of the kindness of our heart?

Remember summer romance Alex? Back in post 2?
I have been doing him a favour for the past two weeks.
I thought I had convinvced myself that it was completely alturistic of me, done for no other reason than for his benefit and the benefit of mankind in general..
Then yesterday I had to admit to myself that, if I was truly honest with myself, I am really doing this so that he will think I'm the most fantastic person he has ever met, fall instantly in love and marry me.
Which is of course insane.
He lives in another city, I dont know him, he is the wrong star sign.... the list goes on.
But we are all a little bit insane.
If I look at why I do anything, even things for my own child, or my parents, there is always a "buy in" for me, even if its just to make me feel good, or to get someone off my back.

It's a horrible little part of us that makes it all about me, me, me, what's in it for me. I would love to exorcise it.
But for now I think I will take a good hard look at it, and see it for what it is.. unhelpful.
I will tuck it away, right at the back of my mind, and try to focus on helping this almost stranger, who I will probably never see again, and try and build up the RIGHT reasons, one by one.

1 comment:

  1. Yes we do SOME things out of the kindness of our hearts without wanting anything in return.

    However when it comes to men. NEVER! We always have an ulterior motive, even if we're not aware of it.

    Love this post!

    I've done this many times myself. Trying to break the habit, then find myself asking, if I help because of x.y.z.... they will be happy for the help. If I do not do x.y.z, will they still want to be friends?
    Helps when trying to see if you're being used or not. :)