Sunday, September 11, 2011

Introducing... Chip and Dale


Walking past the Salvation army shop today who did I see but these two little guys!
I collect Japanese ceramic animals, especially the ones with real animal fur.
They look so cute all grouped together.
Pride of my collection is a ceramic piggy bank, the kind where you have to smash to get the money out. It's a wonder that any survived at all!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Our world will never be the same again

It has been a very strange week.
This time last week I was gathered round the nearest Television set watching in horror as Christchurch dissolved into a pile of rubble and dead bodies.
We have had a charmed life here in paradise, we watch with a sense of disconnection when disasters happen in far off countires, but we just couldnt ignore this.
A 6.3 earthquake, in the same place as the 7.1 eathquake in September. All the builduings that proudly withstood that shake came tumbling down, taking with them approx 250 people.
All just like me, on their lunch break, in offices or on buses.

My first thought was for Alex - he lives there. He texted straight back, his house was all but destroyed but he was ok.
Then Andy - his parents live there. He jumped straight into a car and drove the few hundered km's to calm down his poor mum.
My ex boyfriend is a building inspector and was there assesing buildings damaged by the last quake. He is fine, but I can only imagine the things he will have to do in the next few weeks.

So thats us here in NZ - we are all touched by this terrible disaster.
Everything fades into unimportance.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Overcommitted?

EEK,
Its been a long time since I dated properly, and it seems Im quite good at it.
Who would have thought?

So I have two men that I like from internet dating, and that should have been enough..
Oh no, I had to go push my luck and try speed dating again.
I love speed dating, I did it a few years ago and realised that it was my calling. So a few months ago i agreed to go with an aquaintance of mine.
Of course I didnt know then that I would have been so effectively internet dating. But I decided not to let her down ( and forfeit my fee) and do it anyway.
So I went, had a ball, and met three nice men that I "matched" with.
Now what do I do?
I cant date 5 men - thats just greedy.

I think I have decided to date Andy, properly - he is the internet one, as we have a good physical connection, lots in common and he interests me intensely.
The others, although I really like them and there are a couple I find very attractive will just have to be friends.
Gosh darn it.. Its a famine or a feast isnt it?
I suppose there are worse problems to have!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Internet Dating is a state of mind... Tips for the uninitiated

So Ive been internet dating for the past three weeks.
I have been down this road a couple of times before, and was hesitant about trying it again.
I hated every single moment of it last time, I can truly say there was not one positive thing I got out of it, well, maybe a couple of free lunches..
I had men who I liked but didn't like me back, I had men who looked nothing like their picture, I had Ceroc dancers.

But this time - it couldnt be more different.
I have had an absolute ball.
I have two lovely lovely men vying for my time and attention, I have had compliments, smiles galore and everyone I have met have been everything they promised.
And no penis pictures.

So whats changed?
My mind.
The first time I was looking for a husband, the one man who would complete me. There was so much riding on these dates that no wonder the poor buggers jumped the fence before the horse was even out of the gate.
I also made the cardinal mistake of getting into "email relationships", you know, messaging lots and lots, creating a huge false expectation of who this person is, that when you meet them they cant do anything but disappoint you.
So my top tips for successful internet dating?
  • Approach the subject a little lightheartedly.. you are looking for some dates, is all. Dont put pressure on yourself, or them.
  • Meet FAST.. three or four emails tops then ask them if they would like to meet.
  • Put your best photo up, but not one that is airbrushed and looks nothing like you. I have canvassed men and they get really cross if the picture doesnt match the face. False advertising. It would be a wonderful world if looks didnt matter, but they do.
  • The first time you meet a man it is not a date, it is a "meet", no pressure, no expectations, just you meeting a real person.
  • Dont go out for dinner on your first meet - go somewhere that you can make excuses to leave from easily, and that there will not be that whole "who pays" debacle.
  • Look lovely and be lovely, this is first impression time. Dont say a bad word about anything, laugh a lot, flirt a little, if you look like you are having fun they will think you are fun.
  • Dont tell them everything at first, men love a little mystery.
  • Try and think about how the man is feeling, they are just as nervous as you!
Have fun and be safe out there
xx

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dating dilemmas..

Sorry about the lack of postings, seems I may have launched myself back into the dating scene a little too effectively...
My time has been taken up by fitting in dates from the internet.
I am not doing quite as well as my nubile younger friend with the professionally taken photos, however I am holding my own so far.
I have discovered that interent dating is all well and good when you are at the meet em once and figure out if there is a spark, but then, if there is.. it starts getting ethically murky.

So I met a guy, cute, same star sign, enough things in common to click, enough things different to have a spark.
We arranged a second date at the end of the first date and had a lovely time, bit of kissing, nothing too saucy, lots of sweet text messages etc etc.
So now what?
Does this mean I am "taken" and must commit to solely dating? It seems kiwi men dont like the idea of multiple dating - but I feel its too soon to know whether I want this guy to be my boyfriend.
He however has taken himself off the dating site  -  he hasnt told me this, I found out when I clicked onto his profile.
I however have arranged a "meet" for tonight with someone else.
Does that make me a hussy?
I framed up this date by stating in a message that i had started seeing someone but didnt know where it was going, but would like to meet him anyway as he sounded lovely.
He sounded like he had a few reservations but wanted to meet me anyway.
So question number two is How up front should I be about this stuff? Do I just assume the fall back position is everyone is multiple dating unless told otherwise?
Help me guys...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Whats in it for me??

My question for today is this..

Do we ever do anything out of the kindness of our heart?
Really?

Remember summer romance Alex? Back in post 2?
I have been doing him a favour for the past two weeks.
I thought I had convinvced myself that it was completely alturistic of me, done for no other reason than for his benefit and the benefit of mankind in general..
Then yesterday I had to admit to myself that, if I was truly honest with myself, I am really doing this so that he will think I'm the most fantastic person he has ever met, fall instantly in love and marry me.
Which is of course insane.
He lives in another city, I dont know him, he is the wrong star sign.... the list goes on.
But we are all a little bit insane.
If I look at why I do anything, even things for my own child, or my parents, there is always a "buy in" for me, even if its just to make me feel good, or to get someone off my back.

It's a horrible little part of us that makes it all about me, me, me, what's in it for me. I would love to exorcise it.
But for now I think I will take a good hard look at it, and see it for what it is.. unhelpful.
I will tuck it away, right at the back of my mind, and try to focus on helping this almost stranger, who I will probably never see again, and try and build up the RIGHT reasons, one by one.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Boys.. Things you should know..

.. about where to pick up a girl.

Dancing

Men dont dance anymore. Now I dont mean bouncing around a dancefloor with your mates on a Friday night, lurching round trying to get a good look down some girls top.
I mean proper dancing, partner dancing.
Have you ever been swing dancing? or salsa? or even good old ballroom dancing. Its HOT.
I belong to a swing club (gotta be careful who you tell that to and in what context) and the main reason I joined was because of the social nights at a local bar.
You walk in to the strains of Glen Miller et al and you are transported back. To a time when men are dressed like men, not boys, who come up, take your hand and throw you round the dancefloor- then buy you a drink.
Its sexy, its fun and its guarenteed to get you laid boys.
There is a ratio of about 10 girls to every 1 boy, and even the not so hot boys are in demand all night long.
You do the math.

Gay Clubs

Every gay man has at least one best girlfriend. Who gets dragged week by week to the local gay bar.
Whilst her friend is doggedly making his way round the tonsils of every single man in the club what is she doing?
Gagging for just a scrap of male attention, thats what. Its fun being able to dance with no inhibitions for about the first 30 minutes. Then it slowly dawns on her that she is as invisible as a geek at a star trek convention.
Apart from the odd boy who will come up and say "gosh girl you are so dammed cute" but before the sentence is even out he is making eye contact with the Jude Law look alike behind you.

Last week I spent the entire night dancing with the sole straight man in the club, he wasn't my type, in a normal world I wouldnt have registered him, but he was there, attentive, and straight.
It's an untapped market guys.

Sewing Class

Now I know this one is a bit of a stretch, but the classes I have been to...
12 women, all around 20-30, not one man.
Imagine..
You are the sole man. You dont know how to sew. Are women not by nature rescuers?
All of a sudden you will have 12 women falling over themselves to show you how to overlock your seams.
You just need a really good reason to be there, a manly reason.
I cant think of one right now.
Damn.








Thursday, January 13, 2011

Dear Norm...

We have been friends for 4 years.
Over that time I have seen you date the entire workforce of a certain company, advised you on whether it is a good idea to flirt with a teenage nursing student, and defended your honour to a exorbitent amount of annoyed women.
So ya know, we have history.
I like you, I respect you, I feel your pain honey.
Thats why I am doing this, with little or no anger in my heart (well maybe an aorta or two.)

You know I try to live by Buddhist principles. I know that confuses the hell out of you. But this time, they saved your butt.
The one that has always confused me is "all the suffering in the world comes from cherishing yourself, all the happiness in the world comes from cherishing others".
This is fab if we are talking the girl at the supermarket checkout, or the little old lady crossing the road, but in relationships? Does that not mean doormat time? "patiently"accepting your bad behaviour with an angelic little sigh?
So this is what i have been thinking.

I love my kid. I love my cat.
If my kid decided he really wanted to stick a firecracker up my cats behind, would I let him? Because I cherish him?
Likewise, would I let you run around town with only your underpants on?
So if we follow that little convoluted pathway, why on earth should I allow you to continue to treat me in the way you are.
It is not good for me, Its not good for you. Its not good for your reputation, our friends, or the future of mankind.
So it's going to stop.
I am cherishing you by removing myself from your world.
Because a doormat has no power to help anyone, all a doormat can do is get more and more angry until one day she wears herself out with all that stomping on.

About the underpants... maybe one little lap around the waterfront on a Saturday night...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Second Base Hussy

The moment Matt embued me with this mantle I just knew it would make a great Blog title.

Lets zip back a bit and I will tell you a little about my journey thus far, and why I am embracing my new found Hussyness.
So I am single, perpetually it seems like. Not because Im not attractive, not because Im mean, unkind or otherwise personality defective.
I am growing more aware of why, and you know what? Im fine with it, I wouldnt have swapped the past few years for all the men in the world (well, maybe Alan Rickman).
So now, 2011, my 37th year looms and I am excited.
I have found my oomph, my kapow, and I am about to unleash it on New Zealand.

It started with Norm, sorry I know its a naff nom de plume, but really - he deserves it.
This boy has been a long term, crying on each others shoulder friend, he comes with a rap sheet as long as the Amazon river and a string of broken hearts floundering in his wake.
So of course, at the end of last year that little self destruct button dwelling in my breast piped up with "me, me, try hurting me for a change" and before I know it we are embarking on a journey of sillyness.
He was clever.... Hit me with " Ive always been in love with you, lets get married and have 2.5 kids".
As I was reeling from this, simultaneously naming our children and making plans to flee to Sth America, he turns tack.
Spanning the range of ignoring.. beginning with not answering the phone right up to not returning texts.

So I had a choice. Now for a bit of context, this is not the first, second or even third time I have been in this situation. So I did something different for a change.
I dumped his ass, before he could dump mine.
Via Facebook email!
Kapow..

So fast forward to a 3 week holiday in the sun, a roadie with my gay BFF Matt.
He happens to be a therapist so we had a weepy, exultant, intense trip. Processing to the max.
We even had a theme song.
And just like a beautiful butterfly, the new Miss G emerged.
Enter Alex...

Hot, sweet, successful, and guess what? Into me!
He lives in a different city so I didnt have to do the whole "How am I going to turn this into a relationship" thing. I could just enjoy his company and the thrill of the moment.
Dont you love campervan holidays? Matt was passed out in mine, Alex's mate in his.
So we did what any self respecting thirtysomething would... made out in the grass, like teenagers, for 2 hours.
Hence Second Base Hussy.

Then on the way home, Matt and I went out in my home town. This is deserving of a blog post all to itself really, but to be brief...
Bumped into my old crush, he broke my 17 yr old heart by dumping me for a blonde hippy.
He was still lovely, sweet, long brown hair.
This time though, completely into me. I didnt want to push the Hussy lable too far, so just sang the words of Katy Perry's "teenage dream" into his ear and kissed him goodbye.
Kapow..

I am no longer 17. I am no longer desperate for any little scrap of love.
I am a Second Base Hussy goddam it, and I will make 2011 the year of kissing boys.
You heard it here first.

Monday, January 10, 2011

An Explanation..or apology

If you find me, here in cyberspace, I wanted to explain what I am doing, and why on earth I am inflicting myself upon the blogosphere.
I have had other blogs, you are not my first. As much as I love my other blogs I felt that they were just not meeting my needs.
As I rapidly approach my 37th year I have reflected upon my life, namely my lack thereof... dont get me wrong, I have had an amazing life, full of.. well everything really, apart from romantic relationships.
I have had flings,I have had crushes aplenty, I have had medium length relationships.
But never the real thing, and always losing something of myself in the process.
Sometimes my dignity, usually my car keys, and often the one thing that I need the most.
My confidence.

So this little bit of nonsense is my new years resolution, in a diary.
I will relay my adventures anonomously as I forge the rivers of other, whilst clambering up the mountain of self, hopefully eventually sticking a bloody great flag of love in the summit.